I hate myself sometimes

I hate the way every time I think I am over him I run back to him in a few weeks .He doesn't want to be seen with me in lolita I can tell which means that he can't accept who I am .The only issue with this is how much I love him I don't want to give up on the first guy I have ever loved because of a clothing situation , I don't have to change the way I act so It's not that big of a deal . Oh gosh I really don't know I just don't want to be sitting here in a few years time thinking why didn't I fight for him